Stalker Level 10

When you walk into my gym, you are immediately flanked by the Men's Locker Room on the right and the check-in desk on the left. The Men's Locker Room was recently renovated, and looks absolutely beautiful now; the lockers give plenty of space for everything you brought, the showers are nicer, and there are a few bathroom stalls. If you walk past the check-in area, you will be able to go in one of four directions. Straight ahead, you find a miniature restaurant, where you can buy food, protein, workout gear, drinks, or watch sports and bullshit. To your right, there is a room with a pool, sauna, and hot tub, the perfect place to decompress after a grueling workout. To the left, you will find hall leading to the aerobic room, along with a few racquet ball courts. Up the stairs, you will find yourself in another hallway. On the second floor, to your immediate right, you will see a personal training room, if you opt to pay extra for someone to yell into your ear while you work out. To the left, there is a short walkway with more racquet ball courts, which will lead you to the weight room.
This morning, after changing in the locker room, I headed towards the aerobic room. I planned to start off by rowing intervals on an erg; six intervals of 500 meter sprints (For me, 500m done at a minimum under 1:40.0), followed by a 2:00 rest. On this day, I happened to see a friend who graduated from the same high school as me, also on the erg. He rows crew for Princeton, but his semester recently ended, so he has to workout back home.. His workout was slightly different than mine was; four 10:00 intervals, followed by a 10:00 rest. He averaged somewhere around a 1:50 split in what is essentially a grueling endurance workout. On this day, I also happened to catch sight of another man, leaving the locker room around the same time as I did. This man looked to be about 35 years old and out of shape, but in otherwise perfect health. He plopped his body onto the exercise bikes, which are located right next to the ergs, and started cycling at a lackadaisical pace. After I finished my erg workout, I headed upstairs to work on my legs. Luckily for me, the middle-aged man finished his light bike warmup the same time that I finished rowing, and headed upstairs the same time that I did.
The weight room in my gym in a very large room. When you reach the end of the hallway leading up to the weight room, you will find yourself close to the right-side wall in the room. If you walk the length of the weight room going straight, there is another hallway leading to rooms used primarily for the classes offered with membership, such as Yoga. These rooms are filled to the brim with medicine balls, BOSU balls, and light weights. Coming off of the right-side wall, there is about three rows of machines that work on your entire lower body, from the hip adductors downward. If you go to the left, there is a dumbbell rack, followed by benches, followed by more machines for the upper body, and two Icarian cable crossovers. All the way on the left wall, there are machines for core workouts. In the far left corner, there are two real squat racks, and one smith machine. My victim, middle aged man (MAM) headed straight to the right for what I'm sure he believed to be a tiring day of lower body exercises. Seeing as how I was working legs today, I thought I'd keep an eye on him.
I headed to the squat rack, and loaded up the bar. There was weight on it already from the last person, who didn't take the weight off, which slightly annoyed me. Nonetheless, I did a set of squats, and then headed to the leg machines, where I followed up with a set of prone leg curls and calf raises. I noticed my target, MAM, was on a machine for glutes. He would do sets at explosive movements and awful form (Impressive considering he was using machines), exploding during the concentric phase, and letting gravity do the work for the eccentric phase, in a somewhat violent manner. He also seemed to be using weights heavier than he was realistically able to handle. Following a set, he would stay on the machine and stare at the clock. After finishing the calf raises, I went back to the squat; I repeated this cycle four more times (The fifth time using a leg press instead of squatting). MAM went machine hopping, doing three sets per machine. When I went back to the prone leg curl for my fifth set, he had just gotten off of it. After finishing the cycle five times, I finished off in the weight room by doing two sets on each side for hip abductors, and hip adductors. It became increasingly clear that MAM would not be squatting, or using any free weights for that matter, on this day. He also wasn't doing a full-body exercise, leaving the weight room the same time I did, an hour after coming to the gym. He went straight home; I headed to the indoor field (Past the aerobic room, in a room with heavy bags) to do work with a plyobox for another 30 minutes.
If my gym sounds nice, that's because it is. And unsurprisingly, my gym is also very expensive; a $200 start up fee, and $70 a month. The workout that MAM did today was a workout that could be replicated at Planet Fitness for $60 less a month. MAM is clearly a person that doesn't understand how to work out properly, and would probably benefit from a personal trainer for a little bit, assuming he's too lazy to learn the dynamics of working out online in his free time, and too proud to ask for assistance from the supervisor in the weight room. I'm not doubting that MAM has the honest intention of getting into better shape, and I'm not going to criticize some intangible factor such as heart which he may or may not have. Maybe he is genuinely lazy, or maybe he just doesn't know how to work out properly*. Nevertheless, if you're going to invest that much time, money, and effort into a gym, or anything for that matter, make the most of it. Learn what you're supposed to do, ask for help if you have to. If you're investing time into doing something improperly, then you're just wasting your time, and everyone else's (Damn asshole made me wait for him to finish his horrid set of prone leg curls before I could get a set on, and yes, he sweated all over it).

*And yes, nutrition and lifting go hand in hand, and there's a pretty good chance he isn't eating properly either. Don't bother going to a gym if you're going to neglect something as important as proper nutrition. Proper fitness is not a "One hour a day, three days a week thing."

Nutrition

Today I downloaded a new app, myfitnesspal, to start tracking my nutrition. Nutrition is the most important aspect of shaping your body, even more so than working out, although you will not build muscle if you don't work out. If you work out without taking in enough calories, you won't gain any weight. You can also lose weight without ever going to the gym if you manage your diet properly. I would call today, by my standards, an average day in terms of eating while bulking. I took in just under 4,000 calories today. A few notes on my diet:

• I really need to take in more potassium and fiber, and I suspect most Americans do as well. I had more fiber rich foods today than I usually do and still didn't have enough.

• On the flip side, I don't take in enough cholesterol. The most accessible source of cholesterol is an egg, but a single egg contains about 80% of your daily recommended cholesterol. I will start eating an egg every other day.

• For someone who doesn't drink soda, eat candy, and avoids sweets, I still take in way too much sugar. Sugar is poisonous to the body when taken in excessive amounts, and I always figured my sugar intake was average at most. This is mildly concerning, and something to keep an eye on in the future.

• My protein intake is more or less on target considering I had pasta with olive oil for dinner instead of meat, and had 1/4 cup less of tuna today with lunch than normal. However, I could still bump it up a little. I work out four times a week, and only drink protein on days I work out (such as today). I may start working out with greater frequency for shorter periods of time (I usually average 1.5-2 hours) and drink protein shakes every day.

• Too much sodium, and not much of a surprise considering how prevelent it is in our foods. I will nevertheless make a concerted effort to have less sodium.

• The vitamin C is explained by my munching on vitamin C drops all day. Vitamin C is water-soluble so it doesn't matter how much I take in as long as I take in enough.

• Not listed: I drank about 90oz of water today. That's six water bottles for whoever's counting. 

• I doubt I've ever taken in 100% of my recommended calcium intake, and ideally I would like to be at slightly more than 100% for calcium per day. More milk for me.

Hockey Workout #2

This workout focuses on explosiveness, leg strength, and conditioning.

Running

Run two miles nonstop. Push harder than normal. Take what you know you can run two minutes in, and beat that time. If using treadmill, take your jogging speed and add 1-3 mph on top of it.

Cycle One (x3)

-One and One Quarter Barbell Squats: Do a full squat, raise one quarter of the way up, go back down, then go all the way up. (x10)

-One Leg Russian Deadlifts with Dumbbells: On one leg with dumbbell in opposite hand, bend leg while holding dumbbell close to the ground. Extend leg, and as you do it, bring the dumbbell above your head, then go back down. (x8 each side)

Cycle Two (x3)

-Lat crossover box step ups: Get plyo box. Place barbell on shoulders. Standing horizontally from the box, lunge onto box, then step off. Accentuate stride.  (x15 each side)

-Plyo Box Jumps: Place plyo box in front of you, then jump onto it. (x10)

Cycle Three (x3)

-Russian Twists (30 seconds)

-Stability Ball Crunches: With exercise ball, place feet on ground, small of back on ball, and lean back. Do full crunch, then twist to the left then to the right, then go back down. (x10)

-Side Planks: Laying on side, push up into side plank position, hold for 10 seconds, then go back down. (x6 each side)

Cycle Four (x2)

-Single Leg Wall Sits: Wall sit with one leg on the ground, one leg off. Deep bend. Leg should be >90degrees in relation to ground. With medicine ball, rotate side to side. (Hold for 20 seconds each side)

-Pull-ups: Do full pull-ups to failure. Make sure you go all the way down after each rep.

How to Erg

Too many people I see erging at the gym row like idiots and then claim the erg is a worthless piece of equipment. Proper form when erging is essential to reap the benefits of the toughest exercises known to man. Erging works both the aerobic and anaerobic systems if used properly, and focuses mainly on the back, lower back, and legs.

The Basics:

Head up as to not stress the neck.

Hands over the grip, not under.

Brunt of grip should be grabbed with first crevice in the fingers, NOT where the fingers meet the palm.

Place thumb wherever comfortable.

There are four steps: The Catch, the Drive, the Finish, and the Recovery.

The Catch:

The first step. Knees should be perpendicular to ground, or slightly less than perpendicular. Arms fully extended, don't roll shoulders or back. Core up, should be leaning forward, but not resting on knees. Grip should be as close to the neck of the machine as possible.

The Drive:

Where the power comes from. Pushing off with the balls of your feet, drive first with legs, then back, then finally arms. Should be natural. Goal is to extend legs as quickly as possible, and keep height of grip as consistent as possible (about chest height).

The Finish:

Keeping wrists flat, bring handle to chest, then lower slightly. Keep back straight, ideally bent back as far as possible without affecting balance.

The Recovery:

The resting portion, do it in reverse of the drive. First extend arms forward, then bring body towards front, then bend legs. Return to catch and repeat motions.

Final Tips:

No jerking motions, it should be fluid. 

Erging, while incredibly tiring and a great exercise for the back, lower back, and legs, has almost no impact. It's very very very difficult to suffer physical damage from erging.

To find out sprinting time, row 2,000 meters nonstop at a 29-31 strokes per minute pace. Sprinting time (500m>) is a 30-32 strokes per minute pace with a 500m split approximately five seconds lower than 2k 500m split.

500-1000m pieces are at about 2 seconds faster than 2k time per 500 meters.

1000-2000m pieces should be done at 2k pace.

I personally don't prefer longer pieces, because I prefer interval training due to the sports I play, but if you play soccer, are a distance runner, triathlete, etc, long pieces are great for increasing endurance while limiting impact. The typical long distance pieces are either 6k, 10k, or measured by time. Long distance pieces should be performed within the aerobic system at about a 23-26 strokes per minute pace. The split for a 6k and 10k will be similar. The difference in 500m split for a 2k and a longer distance piece should be about 6-8 seconds.

Hockey Workout #1

This emphasizes explosiveness, reactivity, and agility, followed by a quick interval training session on the erg. 

Cycle One (3x)

-Lat crossover box step ups:

Get plyo box. Place barbell on shoulders. Standing horizontally from the box, lunge onto box, then step off. Accentuate stride.  (x15 each side)

-Knee Drives: Lean on wall with arms. Drive one knee powerfully up to chest, then hit ground. When it touches the ground, drive second knee up. Focus on explosiveness. (x10)

-Bosu alternate single leg jumps: Set bosu pad. Stand on one leg. Jump up, and land on opposite leg. Stabilize and repeat. For advanced, close eyes. (x10 each leg)

-Knee Drives (x10)

Cycle Two (x4)

-Medicine Ball Rotary Passes: Grab medium to heavy weight medicine ball. Bring to knee, triple extend and throw against a wall, catching it on the opposite side. Should be a fluid motion. Can be done with a partner. (x20) (alternate sides)

-Medicine Ball Double Rotation Passes: Wall sit. Double extend and pass medicine ball to partner. If alone, double extend to left, then right, then up, then down.

-Knock Offs: Stand either on one leg or bosu ball. Close eyes. Have partner apply force at random, attempt to maintain balance.

Cycle Three (x2)

-Bosu opposite leg step up to shoulder press on box: Place Bosu ball on plyo box. Step up on one leg, and holding dumbbell, shoulder press with opposite arm and hold before stepping down.  (x8 each side)

-Bosu single leg opposite arm lat raise: Step on a bosu ball. One one leg, perform lat raise with dimness with opposite arm. Maintain balance. (x6 each arm)

-Bosu hockey ready eyes closed: Adopt hockey ready position. Close eyes and maintain balance.

-Two Bosu power over push-ups: Place two bosu balls side by side. Starting off to side, do a push-up, then place one arm on bosu one off, push-up, then two arms on, push-up, etc then power over. Go there and back for one repetition. (x3)

Cycle Four (x4)

-Two Bosu crossover: Place two bosu balls apart from each other. Standing on bosu, explode off and crossover to other bosu, stressing quick foot movement. (x10)

-Plyo box jumps: Place plyo box in front of you, then jump onto it. (x10)

-Bosu alternate single leg jumps (x12)

-Bosu T Jumps: Place Bosu ball in front of you. Do T jumps, with Bosu as focus point. (x15)

Cycle Five

-Plyo box jumps (x13)

-Tennis ball drops with partner: Partner holds tennis ball, you stand away at subjective distance. After he drops it, sprint and catch it before second bounce. (alternate person x10)

-Reactive Plyo Step Off Sprints: Start on Plyo box. Have partner stand away. Partner raises either right or left arm and random time. Step off to that side and sprint as quickly as possible. (alternate person x10)

Light-Medium Erg Session: 250m/1:00 500m/2:00 500m/2:00 250m/1:00. 8 intervals.