The Englightenment

1. I am God. Reality exists only as perceived by me, at least to me. If I don't exist, nothing exists without me. Other people's opinions are a result of their interpretation of realty, but my reality is unique and exists only to me. I must forge my own identity in order to determine my own reality. All we are is life, trying to survive. Identity is important, and I must ultimately decide everything myself.

2. There is a level of trust that you can reach with someone. Once you reach it, you can't keep bsing someone or trying to get them. You have to be yourself.

3. Everything is one. If I perceive everything, it is part of my reality. Anything I perceive as my reality is me because it is created by my mind. Without my mind it wouldn't exist to me. Since my reality is part of my brain, it is part of me. Therefore everything is me.

4.There are two types of people in the world. Those who create their own reality and those who seek to be part of someone's else's reality. If you create your own reality there is no insecurity. Anything that is just is. When you conform to someone else's, you have to correlate your own to theirs. That stems insecurity.

5. Everything in life is a contradiction.

6. Everything in life that isn't in your immediate reality is based off of perception. Nothing can be perceived 100% truly. However, the longer something is perceived, the closer the truth  is revealed about it.

7. Life is more about the experiences than the end results.

8. The negatives in life can't hold you back from the positives. You can't worry so much about something happening that you forget to have fun. Yeah you can get hurt but its not something you should be anticipating. Some people lose so much trust in others they forget how to have fun. You just do, you don't focus on the bad things in life. Life can be a blessing, don't stress it.

9. Don't throw your own identity away for nothing. 

Solitude

I like the feeling of solitude. There's something about being on your own alone that is comforting in a way. I enjoy not being beholden to anyone. Maybe it's just an escape from my insecurities. But maybe it's not, because even when I'm supremely confident people bore me. I like to do my own thing. And I'll admit that yes there are insecurities associated with talking to others. I don't want to appear too needy to some people for example. But the will to talk to them doesn't override that. Have I begun to lose faith in people? Absolutely. This novel sense of contempt towards others is empowering in a way. I can play nice, but its gotten to the point I'd rather be by myself than fucking someone else. And what am I doing by myself ideally? Improving myself for the purpose of increasing my sexual value. There lies an irony of sorts. All of this stems from insecurity, the solitude, etc. I'm an insecure person. But one who is so self-absorbed I cannot begin to worry about others beyond a twinge of emotion. It's always struck me as odd that nothing mortifies me. Disaster almost amuses me. Death is impersonal, even when it's close. The fear that has preoccupied me forever is being cheated on, that's why I never get into relationships. Yet I am willing to cheat with little to no hesitation. I realize I get jealous easily, even when I don't care about someone. But that's the only motivation for me to do anything. Who cares what a bitch does without me, so long as I have the freedom to do whatever I want without her. That's my fear of cheating, I'm afraid of being bested by someone else, of coming out worse. When I have the hand I can end anything with no regrets or second thoughts. Of course it doesn't make me happy but its not supposed to. If happiness and sadness fight for equilibrium, there's no point chasing happiness or avoiding misery. And unless I'm willing to submit to blissful ignorance or succumb to overriding pessimism, it'll even out. Yet it's too late for the former, and while I find myself leaning towards the latter at times, I don't care about anything enough to actually be bothered by it. The simple fact is happiness isn't something you can control easily. And I'd rather let it flow naturally. What I crave is knowledge, power, influence. The fucking world. I want to be on top of it, I want to know its my world. And it is. If I wanted to kill someone, I have the power to. The issue is they have the power to kill me too. I can't let that happen. I need to come out on top even if its a fluke. Small samples sizes are what I'm looking for that I win out of. Once I break as positive as I can, leave. I'm selfish, and fucked up. I love it.

Dependency

Dependency. Why is it necessary. It isn't even practical. There is no need to ever grow dependent on anyone or anything, under any circumstances. One of the most important things in life is the ability to rely solely on yourself to provide anything you need. Other people are important, but you need to be focused solely within yourself. Your own happiness is the ultimate goal, and as experience has shown, happiness is based within the mind. it cannot be based on external stimuli and the pursuit of happiness, because that leads to either a lust for material possessions which will be taken to an extreme, or an over dependency on others when demanding free happiness. This is where relationships are flawed. Relationships force codependency. What happens when one person is more dependent than the other though? The balance of power tips, and the risk of emotional devastation increases exponentially. Emotions are fleeting and loyalty is nonexistent: there is no logical basis to tie yourself down to a single person and expect the same. The concept it is based on, the concept of trust, is just that, a concept. Trust can be lost in an instant. Trust is not a physical manifestation. Therefore it doesn't exist, it is no mere than a mere fantasy, a dream. Brainwashing yourself into accepting that true love exists is foolish. Love may exist, I'm not sure at this point. But the dependency associated with it is a sign of weakness. The issue of course is inherently embedded within the human condition, humans are flawed creatures and cannot help themselves. But the dependency associated with love demands perfection, and ultimately idealizes someone or even something to the point that an illusion cannot be maintained forever. Temptation is ever-lurking, and it's impossible to prevent someone else from accepting it. There is nothing wrong with undergoing the pain, because pain is a good thing. But this pain is senseless. The pain associated with betrayal teaches no lesson. And even if one is lucky enough to expose personal vulnerabilities and not be hurt, the fear of being hurt can torture a soul even worse. In a relationship the fear of being cheats on outweighs the shock of the act itself. In a government entitlement system, the fear the next check won't come outweighs the benefit. Now, the human response would either be to stress out, or turn a blind eye to the negatives. Neither of these work in the end. It's a joke. Dependency is. You cannot live life beholden to another. You don't need anyone else after you have developed, take care of your own ass. Be a self starter and take risks, because people have their own self-interests at heart. And depending on someone else for your happiness is a mistake. The best approach is the remain emotionally distant, inherently self-indulged, and noncommittal towards others. And people wonder why girls love narcissistic assholes.