Hiatus

I'm currently trying to learn basic HTML Code; I purchased a domain name, and will be moving once again. Wish me luck; I hope to be done within two weeks, with a custom designed template. As such I'm dropping blogging for the next two weeks, so there will be no updates; regular posts will return on 1/15/14, whether or not I am done. If I am finished, I will post a link to the updated site. Feel free to browse the archives at this time.

Indulging in False Realities

Just Love Will Open Our Eyes

The title sounds a little cryptic, but why not; the original title was "Why Books Are Incredible," which I thought sounded a little too plain. I had the original idea for this post on 12/21/13, but never got around to actually typing it. If you were wondering about the quote at the top of the page, that's a new feature I'm going to add to musings. Musings aren't very much fun to type, but I feel they're important. A musing on this blog generally consists of my exploration into a topic that has recently piqued my interest; it's something that I do all of the time, but the tiresome part is transcribing my thoughts into paper, or in this case, data. The quote will be from whatever song I'm listening to when I start typing the musing as a treat to myself, in this case, Pig by Dave Matthews.
False Realities encompass, obviously, all interpretations of the world surrounding us that are not based in our Primary Reality. Art, for example, is a false reality. Both literature and music fit the description perfectly. Even the news tentatively fits into this categorization; although the news, ideally, is a factual report of real events that have happened, the way in which the news is presented makes it a false reality. People's realities, as per extension, are false realities, clouded by bias and subjugated by our feeble minds; this isn't necessarily a shot against humanity, but rather an acknowledgment that the world does not objectively exist as we perceive it. Our own perceptions of reality are false; however, our perceived realities are also our Primary Realities, and as such exists as the Real Reality to our subjective viewpoint. As confusing as that may sound, put more simply (And inaccurately), a False Reality is a Reality we observe through an external agent, and Real Reality is what we observe through an internal agent. This isn't to say Real Reality is superior to False Reality; far from it. While False Reality is easily manipulated and distorted, it can more often be miscommunicated. How many times have you been in a position where you've understood something better than you've been able to explain it? Real only exists to the Perceiver. The meaning of a song to the listener is only what it means to the listener, which seems fallacious at first; why isn't what the writer of the song intended it to mean the meaning of the song to the listener? That's because the songwriter's meaning isn't real to the listener. If the songwriter has a discussion with the listener, and converts the listener to his vantage point, than the songwriter's meaning has become real to the listener. There's nothing wrong with this, because what's real can change. Reality is NOT more objective than Falsehood. So, what does this have to do with "Why Books Are Incredible?" Our Realities are incredibly limited. We can do anything, but we can't do everything, and there are experiences that we will, ultimately, not be able to experience on our own. As such, there are viewpoints we will never get to see, lessons we will never get to learn, and memories we will never get to have. False Realities do a great job of allowing us to experience more (Although not really experience more). As much as I want to get kicked out of an all-black college to which I had a full scholarship for almost killing the founder, almost die working in a Paint factory, lead a miniature uprising for a Communist Party in Harlem with my oration, and eventually flee into the sewers to avoid being arrested by Policemen who suspect that I am a looter during a Harlem Riot, I will never get to do that. As such, the closest I can get to doing this is by reading Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. While I never will get the full experience by reading this book, I can begin to understand it. As much as I want to live on the Jersey Shore in a house with my closest friends and enemies, partying with full-celebrity status, I will never get to experience this. As such, the closest I can get to doing this is by watching The Jersey Shore. These are experiences I will likely never have. If I want to see what it's like to drop acid or have a threesome, I have two choices; experience through secondhand opinion, or do it myself. A False Reality can never replace the Real Reality. However, the Real Reality is severely limited, and is supplemented by occasional indulgence in a False Reality. That is why books, art, literature, music, and the like are incredible. They may not replace the real thing, but they can take you places where Real Reality cannot. They can provide us with viewpoints we will never get to see, lessons we will never get to learn, and memories we will never get to have. Obviously the key here is moderation, because denial of Real Reality and subsequent escape into a False Reality leads to a destructive disconnect. However, as a supplement to Real Reality, as a servant to the master that is Real Reality, False Reality is incredible.
As I typed that last sentence, I remembered a great scene from the movie Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams, while pondering over a serene pond or something gay like that, says to Matt Damon:

So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right: 'Once more into the breach, dear friends.' But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, and watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sittin' up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms 'visiting hours' don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much.

I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan, right? Do you think I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, 'cause I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't wanna do that, do you, sport? You're terrified of what you might say.

Required Reading, although somewhat unrelated. Don't confuse a False Reality with Hyperreality, and don't indulge so far in False Reality that it becomes Hyperreality. Life isn't fun living in Hyperreality. I've attempted to read Simulacra and Simulation before, but put it aside for another time. I barely understood what was being said, and it took a long time just to read a single page. I was actually originally drawn to the reading after I read the Story of the Eye, a relatively short work, and incredibly messed up, but nonetheless a fantastic work. Simulacra and Simulation was actually one of the original inspirations for the movie The Matrix, and this book was required reading for all actors in the Matrix, although the author of Simulacra and Simulation has publicly stated that The Matrix is a wrongful interpretation and distortion of his work. If you want to take a crack at Simulacra and Simulation, go for it. If you want a sample of the text:

The simulacrum is never what hides the truth - it is truth that hides the fact that there is none. The simulacrum is true. 

-Ecclesiastes  

If once we were able to view the Borges fable in which the cartographers of the Empire draw up a map so detailed that it ends up covering the territory exactly (the decline of the Empire witnesses the fraying of this map, little by little, and its fall into ruins, though some shreds are still discernible in the deserts - the metaphysical beauty of this ruined abstraction testifying to a pride equal to the Empire and rotting like a carcass, returning to the substance of the soil, a bit as the double ends by being confused with the real through aging) - as the most beautiful allegory of simulation, this fable has now come full circle for us, and possesses nothing but the discrete charm of second-order simulacra.

That's the first paragraph. Have fun.

Sharing is Caring II

While I'm sharing music, I'll share another song or two today for the hell of it. This song is called pride, and this one is a rap that I wrote a little over a year ago. It samples Fall in Love, produced by J. Dilla. This was the first song I ever fully completed. I had a lot of fun writing it, hope you enjoy looking at it, and I plan on recording it at some point and releasing it on a mixtape.

I gotta write my thoughts down on this tree/ Because I can no longer lose them in this tree/ When the industry schemes to subdue revolution like it's the final solution/ And it all comes together again/ Going in circles like a ceiling fan/ We don't progress/ We just regress/ When we won't digest our pride (0:20)

I can't burn a bridge in the rain/ That's why I can never escape the pain/ Because where's there to go if there is no bridge (0:31)

I'm taking out my rifle/ Putting on my blindfold/ Then taking shots in the dark at the centerfold/ This was more than sensual/ More than just sexual/ In my mental you weren't just a rental/ Then you opened up your dental/ and tried to tell me gentle/ That you just weren't feeling the sentimental/ The fighting never ended/ Even when we ended/ Because the bridge never burnt/ I was sick of the fighting/ So I started writing/ Promising my love would remain undying/ Because even if we weren't meant to be together we can be together/ Until the end of forever/ But love can't exist in an environment like this/ A blemish like a cyst/ I insist it subsist/ But when I reminisce the first time we kissed/ I promise I can't love you anymore (1:13)

And it all comes together again/ Going in circles like a ceiling fan/ We don't progress/ We just regress/ When we won't digest our pride (x2) (1:34)

Postwar I deplore our rapport/ And swore to ignore/ I promise I can't love you anymore/ I can't stand the depression/ I have to stop the oppression/ It's time for our final secession/ But after another sex session/ I confess a confession/ That I've yet to suspend my obsession/ And did I forget to mention/ My final expression/ That I'll never forget your everlasting impression/ You agree to all I say/ We make up its great/ As you wipe the makeup from your face/ Everything will be fine/ I promise this will be the last time/ But a promise won't stop the crime (2:06)

And it all comes together again/ Going in circles like a ceiling fan/ We don't progress/ We just regress/ When we won't digest our pride (x2) (2:26)

I can't burn a bridge in the rain/ That's why I can never escape the pain/ Because where's there to go if there is no bridge (2:47)

I promise I love you/ I promise I don't/ I promise I won't stop loving you/ Promise you love me/ Promise you don't/ Promise you won't stop loving me/ I promise I love you/ I promise I don't/ I fell in love (3:05)

Extra verses:

Shitt on some deep shit/ Trying to reach it/ Because I'm the Regis/ But what's a king without his queen?/ Just a Philly without the green/ I'll admit I'm not perfect but I thought I was perfect for you/ And you were perfect for me/ I took a leap of faith 

Sharing is Caring

Insanity --- Premix

I have been working on a few songs recently, and recorded this song on my iPhone as a basis for a new song. I tend to use MIDI data over live recordings when making a song because it's easier to edit, and because I don't have a compressor/studio mic, and as you can tell, the tools I have to record with are essentially my iPhone 4 and Macbook Pro. However, I'd like to start recording more live performances for work, because MIDI input is very tiresome. Some thoughts about the song:
-I have yet to write lyrics. All I have so far are for the fourth repetition of the melody in the first verse, and the chorus.

"This Reality it worries me, this must be insanity, I must be insane"

"This must be, Insanity"

-I started work on this a few months ago, never really expanding on it. I had the chorus and the first verse down, but had some ideas about the rest of the song. I wanted the song, as it goes on, to start sounding more confusing and chaotic, while still following the same traditional song format. I had the idea that this song begins with a standard structure, but as the song progresses, that structure erodes away. I finally sat down and finished it a few days ago.
-I may want this song eventually recorded on an organ. I want it to have a very psychedelic feel. I want minimal percussion during the verses, but I may have the percussion either build throughout the song, or become more intense during the chorus and bridge.
-The pause in the first melody in the second verse was intentional. The mess-up at 3:03 was not.
-I plan on adding a lot of short modulated delay effects to this, and maybe some supporting synths, especially at 2:42-3:04.
-I utilized heavy pedal use in this song. When I record it again, I may record it without using the pedal, and instead just use heavier delays.
-The chorus is my favorite part. The chord progression throughout the entire song is the same four chords. However, the melody in the chorus uses five chords, following the pattern 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 1st, 2nd 3rd 4th 1st 2nd, 3rd 4th 1st 2nd 3rd, 4th 1st 2nd 3rd 4th. During the chorus, I progressively hit the notes more intensely and use more pedal.
-Speaking of intensity, the intensity with which I hit the notes varies wildly. It's tough to hear because of how I recorded it (Really sloppily), but as the song progresses, the intensity with which I hit each note and chord begins to vary more and more, until the end (Around 4:00), where I try to give the effect of the intensity building on top of itself until it drowns itself out with full pedal, although playing the notes softly.
-I originally started making the song in the key of B, but as it developed, I began ignoring the rules, and just playing what sounded good.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

My best friend as a kid was named Dan. Dan and I met in 4th grade, after my best friend at the time had moved. We were united by a fervor for both pokemon and yugioh at the time. When we hung out, we would play video games, watch movies, and generally keep it lowkey; however, we never really went outside much. As we started getting older, around 7th and 8th grade, we still never really hung out at the mall, hung out with girls, or any of that, preferring to isolate ourselves through video games and TV. We remained best friends up until High School, when I went away to a private school while he stayed at public school. We intended to remain friends in High School, but after going to a Metallica concert together as freshman, we started to drift apart. I hadn't seen Dan since I was a Freshman, and I didn't have any plans last night, so I decided to message him and see if he wanted to hang out. We made plans to meet at his house around 5:30.
Dan's a short kid, and he's a little chubby. He stands about 5'5, but weighs around 180 lbs. He also talks a little weird, but has always been a genuinely nice kid. When he met me at the door, I noticed he'd grown a beard. We chatted for a minute before I came inside his house, where I was met by his mom, also a genuinely nice person. After an initial reminisce, Dan and I headed to his basement, where we had spent much of our childhoods. The basement was about the same as I remembered it, except his old TV had been replaced with a nice flatscreen, and his sister had collected a miniature home studio, complete with amps, guitars, and microphones. Dan was very talkative at first, but after about 30 minutes conversation became more strained, because we realized we didn't have much in common. We spent the night watching Ted, and watching a few episodes of Family Guy and American Dad.
Dan never really outgrew video games, pokemon, and all of that. He talked about video games, anime, and TV almost as if he used it as an escape from reality. I was surprised to learn that he wrestled in High School at the 152 lb weight class, but in the short few months since he graduated High School, he's managed to gain 30 lbs, and not of muscle. I touched on the idea of girls with him, but the conversation was short. He told me he hasn't had much luck with girls, but not for a lack of trying. He added near the end of the conversation that he thinks that his beard is the reason he can't get a girlfriend, like all of his friends have. In terms of any extracurricular activity, it seems as if he doesn't have much. His average day seems to consist of school followed by video games; he didn't have many interests outside of those two things.
There's nothing wrong with Dan. Once you get past how he presents himself, he's just like any other person. The issue with Dan is that he hasn't experienced as much of life as he should've, through no fault of his own. He was never a popular kid, an many experiences of life had been denied to him through peer exclusion. He decided to fill his time with something to escape from reality, namely video games and TV. I was the same way in Middle School, but as I've experienced more and more of the real world, I've grown to like it more and more. Although it's not something everyone necessarily has to like, I prefer life to virtual reality. I'm not going to try to change Dan to make him more like me; he's his own unique person, and it's up to him to go through his unique life path. I'm not going to tell him how to get girls, I'm not going to tell him how to be cooler, how to be more fashionable, or how to do anything of that nature. I'm not going to tell him to go to the gym more often, to be friendlier, or to stop watching anime. Maybe he will achieve all of these things through imitation, but it's none of my business to change these things. I'm going to hang out with Dan more often, and treat him just like any one of my other friends. I plan on hitting him up to go to the mall soon; here's to he and I being friends again.

How I've changed over the past year

Fitness:
Last Year-I weighed between 160-165 lbs, but in relatively good shape pound for pound. Could do 14 pull-ups, didn't bench much, centered workouts around plyometrics and machines. Had a full on six pack, but you could see my ribs easily. Ran 5:30 mile, hadn't pulled a 2k in about two years on the erg, but 2k pace was 1:44. Neglected nutrition, but did eat well.
This Year-I've upped my weight to a baseline around 184. Still in good shape, but not as strong pound for pound. Topped 200 on the bench press, but don't focus much on presses. Can do 11 pull-ups now, and still run a mile in about the same amount of time. Center workouts around freeweights and cables now; would like to return to more plyometrics once I hit 195 lbs. Started deadlifting and squatting on a consistent basis. Dropped to a 4-pack, but can no longer see my ribs. Last 2k was six months ago, pulled in 6:51, now 2k pace hovers around 1:40-1:41. Nutrition is more important to me

Relationships:
Last Year-Finished calendar year in a committed relationship. Relationship was on decline stages, and I noticed it; I correctly predicted that it wouldn't last more than a month into 2013. (Although we didn't stop fucking until five months later). I generally would have sex with anyone who wanted to, and had a thing for hitting up girls I had already been with.
This Year-Haven't officially dated since my last relationship, but have had some fuckbuddies who were basically girlfriends. Am more picky about sex; however, has lead to having less sex. I recently turned down two girls that hit me up, one was a girl I had already been with, the other a new girl. The new girl said she wanted to blow me, then eventually said she wanted to have a threeway with me and her boyfriend. Haven't had sex in a month, but still said no. Recently ended talking to two girls I had talked to for a while. It seems now when I commit to stop talking to a girl, I stay true to that commitment now.

Substances:
Last Year-Strictly weed and alcohol. Not too often, would drink probably once a week, and would smoke less often than that.
This Year-Experimented with a few new drugs, most notably combining Xanax and Weed, and tried LSD once. Didn't do any new drug more than once except for Xanax. Smoked less than the year before, except for one weekend in which I smoked an ounce in two days, but drank more consistently. Switched from a liquor drinker to a beer drinker, and went from drinking to get wasted to drinking to get buzzed. Acquired taste for beer. As year went on, I smoked less and less. As of this writing, I haven't smoked weed in 3 and a half months. Haven't touched alcohol in a while either. Nevertheless, I recommend that, assuming it doesn't violate any personal moral code, everyone experiments. Drugs, especially drugs like LSD, provide a new view on life. I don't like drugs because they're so counterproductive, but assuming you do drugs to supplement your reality rather than to dominate it, they can be an interesting thing.

Friendships:
Last Year-Had a close friendship with about 4 guys. Would hang out with all of them a lot, but didn't have much of a friends list beyond my close circle. Tended to be a dick to everyone I met, because it was funny.
This Year-Still great friends with all my close friends from before, but not as much. Don't have any best friends right now, but I have a couple of friends I hang out with. Still am a dick to others

Sports:
Last Year-Followed hockey religiously. Quit my Varsity Hockey team Senior Year because I had issues with the coach, and helped coach the JV Squad instead. However, I was looking to have my best year that year, I felt better in every respect than I was before.
This Year-Don't follow hockey as much anymore, but watch almost every Devils game. Haven't played hockey as much as I'd like. Got more into basketball, and became a lot better at basketball after practicing two hours a day for a month during the summer. I think I got worse at hockey since last year.

Music:
Last Year-Listened mainly to Rap, however liked all genres. Began writing rap, using instrumentals from old J Dilla beats and classic rap songs such as 93' til infinity. Favorite artists were Capital STEEZ, Kendrick Lamar, Joey Bada$$, Ab-Soul, and J. Cole. Listened to other genres, but not as much as rap.
This Year-Listened to a wider variety of music. Focused more on a psychedelic sound. Began producing, and finally got around to learning guitar after practicing about 3 hours a day, every day, since summer. Favorite artists are Capital STEEZ, MGMT, Foster the People, Neutral Milk Hotel, Tame Impala, The Beatles, Velvet Underground, Marvin Gaye, and Mac Miller.

Happiness:
No noticeable difference between last year and this year, although theoretically I should be happier this year. Has devolved into an entire post, will release another time.

It's You

I finally realize what it is. For a long time, people have told me I have something on my shoulder, an anger deep inside of me that has yet to be resolved. I've never denied it, but have never taken it too seriously either. I had always figured that the answer to my psychological issues would come to me in a great epifiny one day, and the conflict would've been something cliche; anger at my dad for "abandoning" me, or blaming myself for my parents divorce, or something along those lines. But no, I realize now what it is; it's you. You're the person I haven't forgiven, the person I've always hated. Maybe I do blame you for the divorce subconsciously, maybe I don't; I genuinely believe I don't care about the divorce at all anymore though. I also don't care about my father in any capacity, and don't miss the family after everyone took the other side. What I hate is you. You created this dynamic that entrapped me, made me dependent on you, on your side, in your dispair from the divorce. You created this mentality in me that my dad was evil, my family was evil, everyone is evil, and you're the saint who sacrificed everything for me, the one who gave up 36 hours to give birth to me, the one who sold her jewelry to keep me in hockey. You made me fear the real world as a child, instead clinging to the fallen reality you had "gifted" to my brother and I. I would live somewhere else by now if I had money and a college degree, but I'm afraid of what can happen. Maybe I still should live somewhere else. You managed to push me away and pull me in simultaneously. There's a reason I ignored you when I was in college, and it's not because I forgot to answer you, or because I was drunk half the time, or because I was with my friends. It was because you finally didn't have power over me. And the funny thing is, the power structure is more or less imagined, something I've played into. Power is a concept, but it isn't tangible. If I want to live under your roof, I would have to follow at least your minimal rules. But there are plenty of places to live, and I would've been better off doing my own thing. I'm only subjected to your power as much as I allow myself to be subjected to it. It's funny how its always everyone else's fault with you, and you're always the victim. I've always felt subjugated to your decisions and will, and felt that my freedom has been restricted. That's why I jumped at the chance to do drugs, to have sex, to do everything you told me not to do. It was pure adolescent rebellion, and I'll admit they were blind decisions with limited foresight. Maybe the horrible dynamic you've established with me is the reason I can't hold a real relationship with a girl for anything more than my selfish desires. I'm sick of you.

This is all in the past though. I do still hate you, and I'm going to have issues with this until I can forgive you, which isn't happening until I don't see you for a long, long time. I can't force myself to forgive you unfortunately, and a conscious acknowledgement that "I forgive you," that I played a hand in my issues as well (although at the age my issues developed at I couldn't have known better), and that you were emotionally devasted, maybe a little soul searching as for your motivations for doing what you did, won't be enough. The reality of te situation is that I have to deal with you for two weeks until I go to college again, in this horrible dynamic we have; the dynamic has never changed between us in the past two an a half years, since I started "revolting" against you. I'm still too stubborn to bend to your wishes, and you're too stubborn to bend to mine. There's an immense conflict of interest, primarily fueled by hatred on my side, and I don't know what on yours. Maybe I'll forgive you when time goes on, but it's not something I can force. The important thing, at the very least, has been discovered on my part. I did have psychological issues in the past, and you are the reason for a lot of those issues. But now, it's up to me to be my own man. I no longer want to have horrible relationship dynamics with girls (re: mommy issues). I no longer want to do drugs, and haven't touched anything, even weed, in months. I may have found the motivation for a lot of the shit I have done. However, these are still my choices, and I can make the choice to not do these things. I'm going to delve into this more in the future, I have a lot of thoughts on this. My mind has been proccupied with this as I cooked dinner for myself, ate it, and then eventually started typing this post. But at this point, I've been thinking of this for the past hour, ever since you left to go celebrate Christmas Eve without me. And good, because now I'm alone, and I've never felt more liberated. I've had time to finally identify the demons I've been living with, both metaphorically and literally. I just can't wait for college.

"Running away isn't rough, but it isn't enough"

Stalker Level 10

When you walk into my gym, you are immediately flanked by the Men's Locker Room on the right and the check-in desk on the left. The Men's Locker Room was recently renovated, and looks absolutely beautiful now; the lockers give plenty of space for everything you brought, the showers are nicer, and there are a few bathroom stalls. If you walk past the check-in area, you will be able to go in one of four directions. Straight ahead, you find a miniature restaurant, where you can buy food, protein, workout gear, drinks, or watch sports and bullshit. To your right, there is a room with a pool, sauna, and hot tub, the perfect place to decompress after a grueling workout. To the left, you will find hall leading to the aerobic room, along with a few racquet ball courts. Up the stairs, you will find yourself in another hallway. On the second floor, to your immediate right, you will see a personal training room, if you opt to pay extra for someone to yell into your ear while you work out. To the left, there is a short walkway with more racquet ball courts, which will lead you to the weight room.
This morning, after changing in the locker room, I headed towards the aerobic room. I planned to start off by rowing intervals on an erg; six intervals of 500 meter sprints (For me, 500m done at a minimum under 1:40.0), followed by a 2:00 rest. On this day, I happened to see a friend who graduated from the same high school as me, also on the erg. He rows crew for Princeton, but his semester recently ended, so he has to workout back home.. His workout was slightly different than mine was; four 10:00 intervals, followed by a 10:00 rest. He averaged somewhere around a 1:50 split in what is essentially a grueling endurance workout. On this day, I also happened to catch sight of another man, leaving the locker room around the same time as I did. This man looked to be about 35 years old and out of shape, but in otherwise perfect health. He plopped his body onto the exercise bikes, which are located right next to the ergs, and started cycling at a lackadaisical pace. After I finished my erg workout, I headed upstairs to work on my legs. Luckily for me, the middle-aged man finished his light bike warmup the same time that I finished rowing, and headed upstairs the same time that I did.
The weight room in my gym in a very large room. When you reach the end of the hallway leading up to the weight room, you will find yourself close to the right-side wall in the room. If you walk the length of the weight room going straight, there is another hallway leading to rooms used primarily for the classes offered with membership, such as Yoga. These rooms are filled to the brim with medicine balls, BOSU balls, and light weights. Coming off of the right-side wall, there is about three rows of machines that work on your entire lower body, from the hip adductors downward. If you go to the left, there is a dumbbell rack, followed by benches, followed by more machines for the upper body, and two Icarian cable crossovers. All the way on the left wall, there are machines for core workouts. In the far left corner, there are two real squat racks, and one smith machine. My victim, middle aged man (MAM) headed straight to the right for what I'm sure he believed to be a tiring day of lower body exercises. Seeing as how I was working legs today, I thought I'd keep an eye on him.
I headed to the squat rack, and loaded up the bar. There was weight on it already from the last person, who didn't take the weight off, which slightly annoyed me. Nonetheless, I did a set of squats, and then headed to the leg machines, where I followed up with a set of prone leg curls and calf raises. I noticed my target, MAM, was on a machine for glutes. He would do sets at explosive movements and awful form (Impressive considering he was using machines), exploding during the concentric phase, and letting gravity do the work for the eccentric phase, in a somewhat violent manner. He also seemed to be using weights heavier than he was realistically able to handle. Following a set, he would stay on the machine and stare at the clock. After finishing the calf raises, I went back to the squat; I repeated this cycle four more times (The fifth time using a leg press instead of squatting). MAM went machine hopping, doing three sets per machine. When I went back to the prone leg curl for my fifth set, he had just gotten off of it. After finishing the cycle five times, I finished off in the weight room by doing two sets on each side for hip abductors, and hip adductors. It became increasingly clear that MAM would not be squatting, or using any free weights for that matter, on this day. He also wasn't doing a full-body exercise, leaving the weight room the same time I did, an hour after coming to the gym. He went straight home; I headed to the indoor field (Past the aerobic room, in a room with heavy bags) to do work with a plyobox for another 30 minutes.
If my gym sounds nice, that's because it is. And unsurprisingly, my gym is also very expensive; a $200 start up fee, and $70 a month. The workout that MAM did today was a workout that could be replicated at Planet Fitness for $60 less a month. MAM is clearly a person that doesn't understand how to work out properly, and would probably benefit from a personal trainer for a little bit, assuming he's too lazy to learn the dynamics of working out online in his free time, and too proud to ask for assistance from the supervisor in the weight room. I'm not doubting that MAM has the honest intention of getting into better shape, and I'm not going to criticize some intangible factor such as heart which he may or may not have. Maybe he is genuinely lazy, or maybe he just doesn't know how to work out properly*. Nevertheless, if you're going to invest that much time, money, and effort into a gym, or anything for that matter, make the most of it. Learn what you're supposed to do, ask for help if you have to. If you're investing time into doing something improperly, then you're just wasting your time, and everyone else's (Damn asshole made me wait for him to finish his horrid set of prone leg curls before I could get a set on, and yes, he sweated all over it).

*And yes, nutrition and lifting go hand in hand, and there's a pretty good chance he isn't eating properly either. Don't bother going to a gym if you're going to neglect something as important as proper nutrition. Proper fitness is not a "One hour a day, three days a week thing."

14 Resolutions for 2014

• Get certified as a Personal Trainer
• Make an album, minimum 10 songs, of any non-rap genre of my choice
• Release a mixtape, minimum of 10 songs
• Get rid of all acne on my body
• Learn Italian fluently
• Learn to play either the violin or the trumpet
• Minimum of 100 hours of extracurricular volunteering
• Deflower a virgin
• Maintain a monogamous relationship with a worthy girl for a decent amount of time, do not base it primarily on sex
• Have 200 posts on this blog by the year's end
• No jerking off or smoking bud
• Get a car
• Read a Poem Everyday
• Read 12 books

1. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
2. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
3. No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy
4. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
5. Travels with Charley by John Steinbeck
6. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
7. Ulysses by James Joyce (Again)
8. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
9. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
10. A Farewell to Arms by Earnest Hemingway
11. The Garden of Eden by Earnest Hemingway
12. Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

I consider myself a failure if I don't accomplish at least 12 of these. I will update this as I finish goals.
Here is my other public blog. It's almost upsetting that this blog already has more page views than that one. Unfortunately, I haven't updated it because I haven't been playing hockey as much anymore, but I have a couple of unfinished posts I may finish. Most have to do with fitness.

Hypocritical

A long time ago, a friend of mine told me that "Any girl who has fucked a black guy is automatically off limits for me." Recently, I found out that friend had fucked the very girl he was talking about about a month later. Hypocrites are everywhere. While it's easy to dehumanize others, and rationalize the inferiority of the masses, we tend to forget that we all make up the masses. In reality, very few people stand out relative to others. Talk is cheap, but action is real. There is not a single person alive who does not, ideally, try to do what they believe makes them happiest. Talk, and thought, are easy; the ideal is achieved without any effort. If you could peer through a hypothetical window into someones mind, you can see their ideals. You can see the inner recesses of someone's thought, where that person "Is a good, caring person," "Doesn't gutter fuck," and "Always sticks by his friends." This person, however, may be fucking every girl who will give it up, may not be actively seeking to do good ("All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"), and may sell out his friends at the drop of a hat for something he so selfishly desires. The difference between what one says/thinks, and what one does, is called self-mastery. By mastering oneself, he can ultimately become the greatest person he can be, as defined by his subjective ideals. My most important ideals are as follows:

• Someone who works hard for his goals

I workout semi-consistently. Ideally, I want to go to the gym 4 times a week, and do ab-days twice a week away from the gym. Realistically, I go more about 3 times a week, and haven't had a bonafide ab-day in months. I haven't played hockey in a long time. While this is largely due to many outside circumstances, I haven't necessarily actively searched for ice whenever possible. I want to make music. I produce semi-consistently (Probably about 6 hours a week) and play probably about 10 hours a week, but have yet to finish an album, and have yet to do any vocal work. I should've produced by now today; however, after coming back from the gym, I had an hour to kill before heading to a Christmas Party. I decided to kill it off by playing guitar instead. After coming back, I went to go eat, and after eating, had diarrhea. Perfect chance to stay home and produce. However, after eating, I played NHL14 for two hours, while listening to the whole album "Torches," as well as the whole album "Watching Movies with the Sound Off." Following that, I put on a facial mask, then bullshitted around for about two hours on the internet. I finally decided to force myself to write a blog post, and here I am now, at 10:34 P.M., without having produced at all.
Hypocrite Rating-3.5/10. I can work for what I want, but have problems maintaining a proper work ethic and spend way too much time bullshitting around. I am somewhat hypocritical here

• Someone who is desired by others

Sometimes I am, sometimes I am not. I can't control other people. This is a stupid one. I need to stop being dependent on the approval of others.
Hypocrite Rating-8.0/10. I shouldn't be beholden to others like this.

• Someone who remains true to his ideology, no matter the circumstance

I've fucked girls who were below my standards before. There have been times where I have stood up for what I've believed in; what comes to mind is three years ago, I argued against about 8 friends that God existed, being the only person arguing for God. Nevertheless, I seem to have problems standing up for myself when something isn't as forthright. If there's an open diss to my sense of self, I have no problem defending myself, but with something subtle where it's not as certain, I can be hesitant.
Hypocrite Rating-4.0/10.

• Someone who is capable of anything he wants to do

I'm incredibly gifted. I was born with a slightly below genius IQ (133 for those wondering), I stand 6'1 in perfect health, athletic, relatively good looking. I have an incredible mother who works her ass off for me, and have been surrounded with incredible influences my entire life. I've fucked up so many times, and have gotten lucky even more times, and I'm genuinely lucky I didn't fall into a path of drug abuse, nonproductivity, etc... I have an addictive personality, and am decently secure, and coupled with the fact I've dealt with those circumstances early in my life (My father was addicted to cigarettes, coke, and alcohol; the latter two being psychological addictions, but nonetheless I've had some negative circumstances in my life). I lack common sense at times, but that's something you obtain with experience, and I've grown in that department as I've gotten older. Although my family struggles financially, I live in one of the most affluent counties in the world. I have the genuine potential to do anything I want to do. Unfortunately, this all remains purely potential. Until I capitalize on it, I am not capable of doing anything I want to do.
Hypocrite Rating-5.5/10. I've wasted so much time. It needs to stop.

• Someone who doesn't act in a malicious nature towards others

I can be horrible. Just a few days ago I was contemplating the best way to make a certain girl suicidal, or at the very least manically depressed. I'm generally a good person, but my insecurity can get in the way of that.
Hypocrite Rating-8.5/10

Average everything out, and my hypocrite rating is a 5.6. That honestly doesn't seem too great. It's safe to say, I'm moderately hypocritical. However, awareness should be the key to changing that. Self-mastery is the key to success.

What I Would do to Make this Blog Popular

• I like the name. It's almost cryptic, mysterious; it's one that'll make you want to read into it. The web address, however, does not work. Th3enlightenment.blogspot; first of all, the 3 instead of the E will throw people off. That won't work. Secondly, I'd have to buy a proper domain name, because .blogspot doesn't seem too attractive.
• Put more effort into design of the website. I put about 8 seconds of effort into it, and put one of my favorite Dash Snow photos as the header. I like the color scheme (Black, white, and red, provides a nice contrast, and the red is really eye grabbing). However, it could look better. The header will become bigger (Maybe even part of the background).
• Get the name out there. I would contact other bloggers asking for a shoutout. Every view counts when you're averaging about 50 per day. 
• Make fake accounts and comment on my posts, and +1 them. Not too many comments at this point, but throw a few comments on every article. Have some dissenting opinions, and have them seem unintelligent (Not one of those "I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG," but rather someone who seems unlikable and has an obvious fallacy in his (my) argument against myself (Preferably at the beginning of the comment).
• Shorter posts.
• Get rid of a few posts such as this one. It may be nice to have because it makes me seem more honest, but I can attain that perception in less damaging ways.
• Make more posts that can appeal to a wider variety of people. The production post for example, will not appeal to too many people, except for producers, who will probably not be looking here for production advice.
• Give away prizes for sharing. It'd have to be something everyone wants (Money) for something easy (Posting a link to the website on Facebook, making a blog post about it, etc...). Probably say there are more prizes then there are, and make up fake winners (Or give the prizes to friends).
• Share the blog with people I actually know. People I know have seen this blog before, but I've never given out the address. If you're reading this, chances are I don't know you.
• Have a featured posts section with posts that I would deem to be most popular by the masses. Everyone may be an individual, but as a whole we comprise the mass. And I'm sorry if I'm breaking your heart, but you're one of the sheep.
• Try to get people of moderate popularity to endorse my blog.
• Make an email account for this blog (I actually may do that one).
• More stories.
• The fact that clicking the banner doesn't bring you to the home screen bothers me. I won't change it because I just use the address bar, but I know people do, and I would have to fix that.
• More consistent posting. Look over each post so many times to fix every little thing (As it stands now I quickly scan over each post three or four times, and miss a lot of grammar mistakes and sentence structure issues).
• Make a guest post on more popular blogs.
• Twitter account. Make fake followers.
• Social media in general. We need to be social and all that.
• Write an ebook.
• Give the ebook away to visitors of the site for free. Tell these poor souls that the ebook is a $20 value (Actually I would sell the ebook for $20. Probably wouldn't get sales but that's irrelevant. Maybe I could just spam buy my own ebook).
• No better. Make it so you can enter a drawing to win a prize. Just give your email. Plot twist: Everyone wins. Prize is a $20 ebook.
• Create an "us vs. them" mentality. Reference it in a lot of posts. Make "us" seem better and more relatable.
• Would not reveal my age. I realize people don't want to read about an 18 year old. 

Inspiration

I get most or my ideas for blog posts, music, anything else of a creative nature primarily in three settings: in the shower, on walks, or by sitting down and forcing myself to make something happen. As I write this blog post, I am sitting down at my job, being put into a supervision role at the moment. As such, I have time to type this up, because I'm not really doing anything. I don't have much on my mind, but I'm going to force myself to type a post out anyway. And in a way, forcing yourself to do something is what you have to do sometimes. When people are interested in writing a book or a screenplay or a song, the most common excuse used is "I have to wait for inspiration." And in a way, it's important to have inspiration when doing something in a creative capacity. Unfortunately, inspiration is an incredibly abstract concept, and it's not uncommon for someone to experience a period of time where no inspiration strikes at all. Writers block perfectly exemplifies this phenomenon.

This inspiration fallacy can extend to even monotonous tasks such as cooking, cleaning, working out, etc... Sometimes, we are motivated to do the things that we should be doing. Sometimes, there is no motivation. Lately, due to time constraints, I have been lazy about working out and writing music. I haven't worked out since Saturday, and it's already Wednesday. I haven't written music since a 6 hour session on Sunday. I still know how to work out, and maybe if I go workout today, even though I really don't feel like it, the quality of the workout will not be what I am used to. But having a crappy workout today beats not working out at all, and sometimes you're going to have to force yourself to just get up and do it.

Entrepreneurship

Growing up in my life, I've been lucky to have my younger brother. We used to fight a lot and not get along as much, but in all honesty he's a great kid. And while he's awful at traditional "inside the box" classroom thinking, he is incredibly gifted at handling other people, and is also a natural salesman. Two years ago, when he was a High School freshman, he started a mini-business, mass buying candy and selling it to his friends at school. He failed miserably, but this showcases how his mind has always been. In the summer before his sophomore year, he became interested in buying and selling Jordan's. For those who don't know, Jordan's are shoes made of $20 of material by Chinese children and sold in America for $200 because of the logo. Different shoes are released sporadically in incredibly limited quantities, running almost entirely on the principle of supply and demand. Originally, my brother talked me into funding his idea when he needed extra money: he would do the work, and throw me a pair of sneakers every once in a while. The first sneakers we bought were from a random guy we found on Craigslist; he was about 30 years old, and sold us a pair of Military 4s and Blackcat 4s for $180 so that he could buy the soon to be released Fire Red 4s.

Each Jordan release (e.g. 3s, 6s, 11s) relies on the its release's design plan, with slight modifications (military 4s are blue and white, fire red 4s are close to the same but red instead of blue, etc...) So we started out with about $280 worth of shoes that we paid $180 for. We eventually found a Facebook group of kids selling and trading kicks, and became active. Our second purchase was $50 and the Blackcat 4s for a pair of copper foamposites. We then found a kid offer eggplant foams for an Xbox 360. We were really excited at the prospect of trading our spare xbox 360 for a pair of eggplant foams, but when we inspected the foams, we found out they were fake and ended the deal.

We also found a couple of great deals on worn down kicks, paying under $80 for each of them. By the time our collection grew to 6 strong, I told my brother I was taking full ownership of the military 4s. I said he could do whatever he wanted to the other shoes, but the 4s would always stay as my personal pair.. A week or so later, I slept over my friends house for a few days. I came home to find out that my brother sold the military 4s for $100, so he could go to Six Flags (the fact he sold the 4s below market value bothered me in and of itself). I was incensed, and told him I was out of the business and he had to reimburse me, as well as replace the military 4s. We came to a deal where he gave me some money, the copper foams, and a pair of fire red 4s, and from that point on we went our separate ways.

We are now a year and a half since he started his shoe trading business. Since then, I've made a few trades with him for new shoes, and get good deals because we're blood related. However, in the truest sense of a hustler, my brother can be brutal in taking advantage of kids who don't know what they're doing. Since that original investment of $180, my brother now has a collection of about 12 shoes, including much coveted sneakers like Bred 11s, Olympic 7s, Lebron South Beach 9s, and dead stock (never worn) Concords.

His shoe collection, which is probably worth about 3,000 right now, is impressive considering he's invested about 500 of his own (and my) dollars into it. This also isn't including when he sells his kicks when he needs his money for something, and when he's traded sneakers for things other than sneakers (Such as for beats). Is this atypical for someone who trades kicks? In all honesty, it isn't. I know a kid who has about 60 pairs of sneakers, and the connections to get any pair he wants. He used to sell them in my High School, and was the go to guy for any fashion accessories, from belts to sunglasses. These people, the successful entrepreneurs, exploit market inefficiencies.  

Why do I bring this up? Because market inefficiencies are all around us; most of the world we live in can be broken down into financial terms. Want a girl? Go to a place where you have the least demand (Competition both in terms of quantity and quality), and the most supply (Single, or at least willing, girls). People can monetize anything (Although many things aren't worth monetizing). For example, the drug market works in this way. Someone (A supplier), buys massive quantities of a certain drug, and sells it to dealers at an inflated price (Who then sell their product at an inflated price). Collectable items such as baseball cards work in this way as well; certain cards have insane disparities between actual value and what someone is willing to pay for it. Cars operate in this fashion, and if you know how to work on cars, you can make some serious money on them. Living so close to my brother, I can watch a naturally great salesman at work; here is what's necessary to be successful in this type of model. Here are the keys (In descending order of importance)

• Know your market

You have to know the worth of what you're selling (Or trying to get), where the best places to sell or buy it are, and how to tell if something is real or fake. The more information you have on this, the easier it is to take advantage (If it's your cup of tea) of people who don't know what they're doing, and the harder it is for you to be taken advantage of.

• Reputation

I'm counting connections in here, but it's easy to make connections. It's much more difficult to make great connections, but that is what you strive to do, and good connections aren't going to do business with you if you're a scammer, liar, incompetent, lazy, or inconsistent. We all strive to be in a position where we have so much business that we have to turn it away. When I interned at a private investment firm, I learned about the Strattonites, and read the book The Wolf of Wall Street. In all reality, the firm was a complete scam, where they pumped and dumped the market. On the inside, the firm was rotting. But to the outside viewer, this was an investment firm which brought consistent returns no matter what the condition of the market was, with people who seemed like successful rockstars of the investment world (If I remember correctly, it was mandatory to drive a sports car if you wanted to work there). They had so many people wanting to invest with them that they actually turned people away on a fairly regular basis. The air of exclusivity created by this actually made the Strattonites more in demand. The same happens with so many things. Girls will crawl over each other for a shot at someone in the same position that the Strattonites were in. Jordan is marketed so well, that kids will look at who's wearing what, and buy them to be like their idols (Whether it be celebrities, or the popular kids, or whoever it may be).

• Common Sense

Don't put yourself into a position where you put yourself at a disadvantage. Identify the markets best to be exploited, and when to conserve your resources. I remember one night where my friend and I was ran into a group of mutual friends, with three boys and three girls. We flirted with the girls, but it wasn't going anywhere with the other guys lurking. My friend and I talked about it, and decided to bring everyone to a party where we knew everyone. We made it our plan to alienate the guys, and eventually made them leave. With the girls by themselves, we had a nice group of two guys and three girls. My friend took a girl and went his own way, and left me with the two girls. I managed to make out with the girl I wanted, but the other girl was upset she didn't have a guy anymore, and wasn't up for a threesome. When I realized nothing was going to happen, I left in the middle of making out with my girl without saying a word. They called for me to come back, but I just ignored them and trudged onward. What's the moral of this story? If you're the three guys with your girls, and you see two guys trying to assimilate with your group, don't let them into your group. You'll end up having to go jerk off that night. Do not put yourself in a position where you're at a significant disadvantage. On a sidenote, don't ever make yourself desperate for a sale/purchase, you'll end up being screwed over.

• Plan of Attack

Anything with sales isn't for the light-hearted. If you're selling shoes, you have to know what you want, you cannot defer to the other person for the final price. Decisiveness is important, and if you see a worthwhile business venture, it's important to go for it. Going after dead leads, or things with a limited reward in comparison to what you can get elsewhere, won't necessarily help. But if you see what you think is a great deal, you have to at least go for it. My brother won't bother with most of the people looking to sell him sneakers. However, if he sees a kid selling a pair of sneakers at a price much lower than market value, my brother forges a deal immediately. Decisiveness is so important, you have to know what you want, not kind of know what you want.

There are a number of other factors involved in being a successful salesman, such as topics which address the sale itself (Likability, Contrast Principle, etc...), but the most important thing is to put yourself in a position to succeed (Either by finding something which you will naturally be in a position to succeed in, or making the conditions within the environment). These four points are the most important things to making that happen.

The Nature of Bitches I

As we approach the New Year, I'm going to start blogging more consistently. I recently turned 18, and life should be getting pretty interesting, and I would like a record of how I progress. However, before I start this post, I'd like to throw a shoutout to my boy Trouble Maker. He answered one of my questions and threw a shoutout to my blog, so I should at least return the favor. He's a really intelligent guy, and he has a very interesting view on life, as well as a compelling knack for storytelling. He is part of what is called the "Manosphere," and writes on a a weekly column on a big manosphere site called Return of Kings. I encourage you to look into the manosphere and form your own opinions regarding it. 

The Manosphere is arguably most notorious for its rather pessimistic view on female sexuality. So, as I'm throwing a shoutout to one of the members of the manosphere, I thought I'd focus on female sexuality as the theme of this post.

Female sexuality, in reality, isn't too complex, it's just that most people don't look in the right spots for the answer. What really gets a girl going is a mix of unpredictability and social savviness (As in, if you're unpredictable and socially awkward, or socially savvy and predictable, it won't be enough). There's a lot to go into, and I am really not interested at explaining my views on girls at the moment; they're fun but nothing to take seriously. So instead, I'm just going to show a few conversations I've had with girls, and my thoughts on those conversations.

Unfortunately, I delete most of my texts. I screenshot what I consider the good ones, but I eventually delete those too. I found a couple on my iPhone cloud, so enjoy what I found. 

Background: It was a girl I had already fucked, which makes it unfair. However, this conversation provides great insight on female sexuality. I admittedly don't remember the conversation well, but this is pretty much how girls operate. I'm unyielding; she's on the defensive here. Her excuses to me are irrelevant. She plays into my world, operates secondary to me. I know I have her, and her feeble attempts at brushing me aside plays directly into her insatiable desire for my cock. Being this straightforward with a girl will not work most of the time unless she's a slut or you two have a sexual relationship at this point, but this exchange shows how a girl works once you've caught her interest.

Status: We barely talk. She has a boyfriend. But the option is always there, and both of us know it. Nevertheless, she's a trashy bitch at this point and not worth pursuing. If I fuck her again, it will be out of boredom. I actually just texted her to get an essay her boyfriend wrote me when he found out she was still texting me, but she's acting like a bitch because I actually called her a trashy slut and told her to grow up the last time I talked to her. She's doing that thing where she calls me the same thing I told her (Last text exchange involved her telling me I should grow up). The essay has yet to be ascertained, but I will certainly post it up here if I get it.

Background: The situation basically went down as she found out I hooked up with another girl that night, so she went AWOL on me and tried flirting with every guy she saw in front of me. I had enough by the third guy, and left. She texted me to come back. Inebriated, I did, and saw his arm around her, so I punched him. I told him to fight me, and while I was going at him, my girl got in the way and I violently pushed her aside, thinking she was a guy trying to hold me back. She cried, and it became a whole scene. The next day, she conspired to see me through a mutual friend, and she apologized for me hitting her. I was dumbfounded she could see it as her fault in any way, but I just went with it. Over time, she rationalized it to herself to the point where she considers me abusive and in the wrong, as girls are wont to do. I've never apologized for it, and usually sidestep it when she accuses me of wrongdoing (My favorite line being "Gotta keep that pimp hand strong"). Nevertheless, she offered me this gem a few days after the incident occurred. Let's be straight up here, girls like violent cavemen, and violence/physical dominance turns them on.

Status: Same girl as before. Still no essay. That slut.



Background: This girl wrongfully believed that I wanted to date her, and was naturally offended when I told her it was strictly physical. She never quite lived it down, and always seemed to try bringing it up trying to procure commitment. This was pre-fuck, so I assume it counts as a full point. First of all, I want to say that it is wrong to play with a girls emotions; if you're willing to genuinely give them to her, go for it, but if you're only looking for a pump-and-dump, don't tell her you love her and want to be with her and all that crap. That's the cheap way of getting it, it's going to end with her hating you at some point, and it's just going to create damaged, distrustful sluts. I never once told her or even hinted to her I wanted to date her or anything of that nature, I have never said I love you back to her, and yet she still turned it into this. Anyway, I just simply sidestepped her accusation. Getting defensive, or being boring, or anything of that nature gets you nowhere with a girl. This doesn't mean don't be serious at all, but she doesn't care about how you feel about her, she just cares about how she feel about you. She may look for validation from you, but women, and people in general, tend to be incredibly narcissistic, and only really care about themselves. I thought my reaction was appropriate; it's like I treated her as nothing more than a blabbering sex toy. What girls want to be treated like.

Status: I'm supposed to see her next week. We're not dating. At some point she even rationalized it to herself, about a week or two later telling me she "really likes me but only wants it to be physical," and "doesn't see me as boyfriend material." I'm heartbroken </3

Background: There isn't much here. I only put it here because it's hilarious. But nevertheless, if you want analysis, I turn to the great philosopher, 16 year old version of myself. I recently found an old journal I used to write in from my Junior year in High School, and found a section of rules I made to live my life by. Some highlights include "Perception is Everything," "The best way to change the perception of yourself is through genuine self-improvement," and "Insecurity arises from lack of control." However, the quote which is most fitting here is "People want what they cannot have, provided that it is within reach." This holds true every time, and is the reason playing hard to get is so effective when done right. When someone is chasing you, and you dangle the prize (Yourself) right in front of their faces, but don't allow them to have you, they go crazy. After I finally answered her, she went into full on defense mode. And for the record, I never gave her an I love you either


Status: Never fucked her. Basically ended up being a 7 month flirtationship with many gaps in between, where we saw each other at most once a week. Girl is a virgin still, will likely be one for the rest of her life. Although, I think that there's a slut deep down in there. Funny lesson learned from her; at one point towards the end, she friendzoned me. When I told her I'm not dealing with that, she told me in a shocked sense that she never knew when to take me seriously and thought I didn't want her like that anymore, so she gave up and moved on. It's important to note that while it's ok not to take things seriously, at some point you will run the risk of being nothing more than a clown. I don't take things seriously because I'm very insecure in myself, and laughing it off is the best way for me to deny reality. I classify humor as one of two things; something very witty, or something that contrasts with reality so much that it is utterly absurd, and our brain cannot process it rationally as a result.* I tend to favor the second form of humor, and it's ultimately built up a fantasyland that I live in. It's a ton of fun, but I always come out realizing nothing is as good as I want it to be, and have trouble maintaining a relationship of any type beyond 3 months because of this.

*I am not a Scientist. There is no scientific backing here. It's just the best way I can classify our tendency as rational (Term loosely applied) animals to find pleasure in the irrational.

Background: That slut. She never sent it. As punishment, if we ever fuck again, I will "accidentally" stick my unlubed cock up her ass and ravage it. Here is a screenshot from when it happened. It was ironically sent to me on my birthday, which is why I was up at 4:51 A.M. And I believe I was intoxicated. I actually never read the entire thing (it was much too long), but I did read some of the first paragraph, and found it hilarious. I responded in what is undeniably the greatest way possible, typing "Penis," spelled wrong. You would think autocorrect would've picked up on that. If I ever get the essay again, I will dedicate an entire post on the wording of the essay alone, because it's worth it. I will then post another entire post on breaking down the essay part by part in a witty way. Then, I will dedicate a third post to the wording of the essay again, with a loaf of poop** in the background. You've all been forewarned

**It is Scientifically proven that loaf*** is, in fact, the funniest word in the English language. Poop comes in a photofinish second place. If you combine the words, you get what is the funniest phrase in the English language in terms of syntax. Obviously context matters as well, but try inserting a loaf of poop into any sentence and it undeniably becomes funnier.
***I know exactly what you're thinking, and yes, I have field tested "Hey baby, want a loaf of this cock" as a pickup line. Needless to say, it worked every time. It is 100% effective. The phrase is currently in the process of being patented. However, if you use it, you must, as a royalty, either pay me money, or videotape yourself using it and put it on youtube.

Sidebar: I can't believe this is only my first post focusing solely on girls.

An Appreciation of Modern Psychadelic Rock I

There are so many pitches, frequencies, mediums, distortions, effects, anything is possible through music. It can convey any emotion, it can paint any picture. The auditory painting is essential to experiencing life, to being alive. Music is what allows us to bask in our irrationality and balk at our rationality. Music brings people together. Music is beautiful.

MGMT

MGMT currently remains as one of the hardest to define musical acts of today. MGMT originally gained fame through a few upbeat, electro-pop songs in Electric Feel, Time to Pretend, and Kids. Their debut album, Oracular Spectacular, was a huge success, featuring the three tracks, along with many songs reminiscent of the Beatles in The Youth, the Handshake, and Pieces of What. The apex of the album arguably comes at the song Of Moons, Birds, and Monsters. Their second album, Congratulations, veered away from the upbeat tune of their early successful songs such as Kids, instead falling into a more psychedelic sound. Many of the songs, such as Siberian Breaks and It's Working, are masterpieces in their own right, but I never personally fell in love with the album. MGMT can be difficult to listen to at times, but their songwriting talent is unmatched. Their third and most recent album, titled MGMT, stands to be their best release yet. MGMT the album takes on its own musical genre, unlike any other one we've had before. It can be difficult to characterize at times, and confusing, but the music is masterfully crafted. The album is released with a movie, The Optimizer, which provides "An Aural and Optical Listening Experience." The Optimizer is interesting in itself, although difficult to make sense of. The album itself starts off on the song Alien Days. Alien Days is a weird song, but it all goes haywire from there. Every song on the album has a weird vibe to it. However, each song remains a journey that is worth experiencing. 

Classics:

Kids

Time to Pretend

Of Moons, Birds, and Monsters

The Handshake

Siberian Breaks

Alien Days

Cool Song No. 2

Mystery Disease

I Love You Too, Death

Foster the People

Foster the People is another hard to classify band, although nowhere near as confusing as MGMT. Foster the People tends to attach pessimistic messages to optimistic sounds. The group gained widespread recognition with its single Pumped Up Kicks, a song with a very upbeat radio friendly tune that was about a school shooting. Unfortunately, the band's discography is lacking, with only 10 songs on one album. The songs on the album are incredibly refreshing to listen to. The first song on the album, Helena Beat, starts off with a tribal drum line and a kid's laughter, followed by a synth that sounds like something crashing. The song relies on the drums and the bass, which provides a contrast to the singer's voice. The music video is also interesting to watch. Songs such as Call It What You Want and Waste add on to the upbeat tune. The song Life on the Nickel chronicles drug addiction, and is arguably the strongest lyrical performance on the album. All in all, a solid band, and I hope they release more material.

Classics:

Helena Beat

Call it What you Want

Houdini

Life on the Nickel

Warrant

Music Production Notes

Music Production Notes

Nutrition

Today I downloaded a new app, myfitnesspal, to start tracking my nutrition. Nutrition is the most important aspect of shaping your body, even more so than working out, although you will not build muscle if you don't work out. If you work out without taking in enough calories, you won't gain any weight. You can also lose weight without ever going to the gym if you manage your diet properly. I would call today, by my standards, an average day in terms of eating while bulking. I took in just under 4,000 calories today. A few notes on my diet:

• I really need to take in more potassium and fiber, and I suspect most Americans do as well. I had more fiber rich foods today than I usually do and still didn't have enough.

• On the flip side, I don't take in enough cholesterol. The most accessible source of cholesterol is an egg, but a single egg contains about 80% of your daily recommended cholesterol. I will start eating an egg every other day.

• For someone who doesn't drink soda, eat candy, and avoids sweets, I still take in way too much sugar. Sugar is poisonous to the body when taken in excessive amounts, and I always figured my sugar intake was average at most. This is mildly concerning, and something to keep an eye on in the future.

• My protein intake is more or less on target considering I had pasta with olive oil for dinner instead of meat, and had 1/4 cup less of tuna today with lunch than normal. However, I could still bump it up a little. I work out four times a week, and only drink protein on days I work out (such as today). I may start working out with greater frequency for shorter periods of time (I usually average 1.5-2 hours) and drink protein shakes every day.

• Too much sodium, and not much of a surprise considering how prevelent it is in our foods. I will nevertheless make a concerted effort to have less sodium.

• The vitamin C is explained by my munching on vitamin C drops all day. Vitamin C is water-soluble so it doesn't matter how much I take in as long as I take in enough.

• Not listed: I drank about 90oz of water today. That's six water bottles for whoever's counting. 

• I doubt I've ever taken in 100% of my recommended calcium intake, and ideally I would like to be at slightly more than 100% for calcium per day. More milk for me.

The Ten Most Important Things in Music Production

• Become Familiar with All Music

All music has artistic value. Whether it be the energy of House, the lyricism of Rap, or the smoothness of Jazz, don't be afraid to expand your horizons. No matter which genres you are interested in creating, or even if you are just a casual music listener, this is one of the most important aspects of music. Every musical experience brings something new. It's not necessary to like every genre, but you should know them. At the very least, you may find something you've never seen before, possibly even a sample that's been passed over at some point. There's so much music out there, and most of it is pretty good. Learn your classics, what shaped the music you listen to now. Listen to the Beatles, listen to Elvis, listen to Jimi Hendrix, listen to Run DMC, listen to Miles Davis, listen to Biggie, even listen to Beethoven. See what you think of it. A great music producer listens to more diverse music than anyone else alive. As I type this, I'm listening to Inner City Blues by Marvin Gaye. 

• Learn an Instrument

Mastering, mixing, and even a lot of production can be done without ever learning an instrument. If you plan on becoming a rapper, you can easily do so without ever picking up an instrument. But learning an instrument is exhilarating. It's not easy to play an instrument well, but the effort that goes into learning one is well worth it . Once you can play an instrument, you begin to see music in a whole new way. Playing songs that you like, you can pick up on patterns you've never noticed before. The best instrument to start off with is piano. You will learn everything you will ever need to know about music from a piano, and every instrument you try playing after will come to you more easily. Guitar is also something very good to learn how to play, but after those two instruments, the sky's the limit. Learn whichever instrument captures your imagination. As I type this, I'm listening to Alien Days by MGMT.

• Learn Music Theory

Almost an extension of learning an instrument, music theory is really learning what sounds good. It's simple to do and easy to look up. It quantizes what you may have noticed playing music, maybe making it easier for you to put into the words. I can't do anything but promote guitarjamz.com for this. The creator gives out an obscene amount of free stuff, and he gives arguably the best guitar lessons you can find on youtube for free. If you are willing to pay, you can take online guitar lessons. As I type this, I'm listening to Diary by Free the Robots.

• Obtain a High-Quality DAW

The digital audio workstation is the single most important thing in contemporary production. The higher quality ones are expensive, as are some of the plug-ins, but well worth it. From the DAW, you can record and edit audio, create MIDI data, and do just about anything your heart desires from a musical standpoint. I recommend Logic Pro X, it's relatively inexpensive at only $200, and was released just this year. However, do some original research and determine which one appeals most to you. DAWs such as FL Studio, Pro Tools, and Ableton Live each offer a great product. Don't skimp on your DAW, because it's where you will do most of your work. As I type this, I'm listening to Years by Alesso.

• Learn about the Mechanics of Music Production

Once you have a DAW, it is important to learn what everything does. It can be a little overwhelming, but once you get past it, producing is a lot of fun. Don't start producing yet; I made that mistake as soon as I got my first DAW. It's not that it's impossible to use a DAW without knowing how a compressor functions, but if you are looking for a high quality product, learn about it. The best way to do this is to take an online course on music production. The course will help categorize everything, and will create a strong foundation. You can also learn about a lot of important fundamentals in music production from the internet, using sites such as wikipedia. I find wikipedia is helpful when researching musical concepts such as Fletcher-Munson curves. Knowing what everything means is important, and while you will likely never need to know the difference between dbfs and dbspl, it's always good to know, and can help clear up any confusion. While these two methods can supplement learning, the most important things however always remains to go into your DAW and figure out what works for you. Play with the compressor and each of the knobs on it, play with the flanger, the chorus, see what works with what. If you don't know what something does, play with it until you can figure it out. As a rule, you're better off not beginning to produce music until you have an idea of what most of the knobs do, and know what the most fundamental plug-ins do, in this case, dynamic effects (Modify amplitude, such as compressors), filter effects (Modify frequency, including EQ), and delay effects (Create space, such as reverb, chorus, flanger, etc...). At some point, it will also be a good idea to get into synthesis (Creating your own synthesizers). Synthesis can be very confusing, especially on the better DAWs and synthesizers, but being able to have full control over the timbre of your music can help transfer the music you want to paper more cleanly. As I type this, I'm listening to He Comes by De La Soul ft. Ghostface Killah.

• Purchase a Pair of High-Quality Headphones

The higher the quality of the headphones, the better it is. Some lower quality headphones won't pick every sound up clearly. Expect to shell out big money for a very good pair, preferably over-the-head. When I produce, I use Beats Pro, but there are tons of studio quality headphones out there. The first time I listened to music with them, I was surprised by how much I missed in music. As an example, when I was listening to O.K. by Mac Miller and Tyler the Creator, I never realized that the comments that come after some of the rhymes in the verses. Good headphones will make well-produced music sound good, and poorly-produced music sound terrible. The headphones aren't so much as important when writing lyrics (For lyric writing, I either use Beats Solo or speakers), but when producing, picking up every little sound is imperative. Try to avoid sound-enhancing headphones for producing, such as most Beats Headphones, because they will distort certain frequencies. Beats Solo headphones, for example, boosts the bass almost 10 decibels from 10hz to 160hz. Like the DAW, this is definitely not something to skimp on. As I type this, I'm listening to O.K. by Mac Miller ft. Tyler the Creator.

• Train your Ear

Learn to listen to music as it was written. Start to notice what instruments compliment each other, what the main loops are in music, how the lyrics match up with the instrumental. Try to notice which instrument the focus is on at a certain point, and ask yourself how the artist creates that effect. Does another instrument drop out? Think of all of the feelings you experience during the music, and think about what makes you feel that way. Don't just listen to music for the lyrics; not that lyrics are bad in any way, but try to notice the small things on the track that make it what it is. As I type this, I'm listening to Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones.

• Subscribe to a Good Magazine

Out of all of the bullet points, this is arguably the least important one. However, music production magazines can open your mind, while simultaneously teaching you the smaller things you won't necessarily learn otherwise. Sound on Sound is the cream of the crop here. You can subscribe to all their articles online for $36 a month. If you're not interesting in doing so, definitely look up old articles on soundonsound.com and musicradar.com. As I type this, I'm listening to What I Got by Sublime

• The Most Important Thing to Keep in Mind

The most important thing I've learned about music production is to keep in mind that you're creating a piece of music, not a musical piece. It's important to keep in mind the grand scheme of what's going on when creating music. It's so easy to get lost with the ease of adding effects to sounds to make them sound great individually, but getting them to fit with everything else is the important thing. Creating music is completely subjective. A hardcore drumline fits in better in an aggressive death metal song than it does in a country song, no matter how cool it sounds alone. When producing, try to keep the instruments out of each others way. Don't allow frequencies to mix to the point that it creates a masking effect, unless that's the sound you're going for. Give your music width. A great tip to keep in mind is that the ear generally is attracted to the highest frequency, and the middle and higher frequencies are the ones you can have more control over. A bass line, drums, and the lower frequency instruments should generally stay in the center of a mix, not be messed with too much, etc... However, when it comes to high end sounds, play with the pan control, add effects. Try to create a focus at each point in your music, and have the rest of the mix compliment the focus at that time. Guide the listener through the music. While I'm on this topic, I'd suggest listening to Drawing by Linkin Park. This was a demo created by Mike Shinoda before he became famous, and eventually turned into the song Breaking the Habit. This instrumental is crafted so perfectly, that lyrics actually get in the way of it. Listen to how you can easily isolate each sound if you focus on it, and how each sound blends well with each other. There are two loops that continue on throughout the entire song (The descending sound from the beginning of the song, and the sound that enters at 0:20). if you hear any of the instrument tracks alone, none of them will necessarily impress you the way, say, the lead synth in the chorus of the song Levels by Avicii will. But taken as a whole, and Drawing is a great piece of music. As I type this, I'm listening to Sleep Now in the Fire by Rage Against the Machine.

• Enjoy Producing

There's not much else to say. Producing is a lot of work, and if you're focused only on the end result, then it's not for you. You're going to have to learn to enjoy the process, each little part of producing, if you want to be a great musician/producer, especially today. Music will overcome a large portion of your day-to-day life if you take this route. Take myself for example, I'm always listening to music save for when I'm sleeping and playing hockey; on top of that, at a minimum I force myself to produce for a minimum of an hour a day no matter what is going on that day (Usually I end up doing more, especially on weekends when I'm not working, I find myself zoning out completely for 3-4 hours at a time), on top of practicing either piano or guitar every day, and writing lyrics. Take what I did today, an off day, for example: I woke up, produced for two hours, made breakfast, watched a rerun of a hockey game the night before, went to the gym for two hours, made lunch, read some of Nassem Taleb's The Black Swan, played guitar for an hour went out to eat and buy a new acoustic guitar, played the guitar for another two hours, made food, then typed this (Which surprisingly took almost two hours; I had the idea for it while I was working out). After this, I'm likely going to make a quick snack then write raps until I fall asleep. Tomorrow and the day after, my only plans are to finish writing the lyrics for a song I've been making (I've had massive writers block on this song, and have wasted a number of lyrics because they didn't fit into the grand scheme of the song; speaking of which, a good song idea would be a song about how many instrument tracks and lyrics are lost during the creation of a song) and then work on the nuances of the instrumental (I have a chorus, a main loop, a drum line for the verse, and I sampled Something in the Way by Nirvana to be used as the bass, but it surprisingly fits in well). Simply put, if you're not going to enjoy making music, don't bother making music. As I type this, I'm listening to Pig by Dave Matthews Band.